I'm a mailman. At Christmas this year, Mrs. Jankowitz met me at the door and invited me in for a great breakfast spread. After I ate, I thanked her and she said, "There's more." She took me to her bedroom and showed me moves I had never imagined. I told her I had no idea she felt this way. She said, "I don't." I ask, "What was all this about?" She says, "I asked the husband what to give the mailman." He said, "Screw the mailman, breakfast was my idea."
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A woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. "Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac." "I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour." "That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"
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What does a rooster and a hooker have in common in the morning? A rooster goes, "Cockadoododoo!" and a hooker goes, "Any c*ck will do!"
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Worried about their less than exciting sex life, a young wife sends her husband to a therapist who winds up treating him with self-hypnosis. To her joy, everything gets much better. However, she can't help but notice that each night, just before their lovemaking, the husband dashes out to the bathroom for several minutes. This torments her until finally, one night, she follows him. There, in front of the mirror, she finds him applying this therapeutic technique, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife.”
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A representative for a condom company is on her way to a convention. While rushing through the airport, she drops the briefcase carrying her samples of condoms all over the floor. As she is stuffing all the condoms back into her briefcase, she notices tourists giving her crazy looks. "It's ok, she says, "I am doing a huge convention."
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One day a man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the lady parted her legs, the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming, "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!" The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit." The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "Okay, what I'm going to do is rub some honey over the tip of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my penis, I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina. The husband nodded and gave his approval. The lady said, "Yes, whatever, just get on with it." So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, entered the woman. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should try further." The lady began to quiver with excitement, moaning aloud. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself. The husband became very annoyed and shouted, "Now wait a minute! What the hell do you think you're doing?" The doctor, still concentrating, replied, "Change of plan. I'm gonna drown the bastard!"
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What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?

Your wife will always blow your bonus!
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